Friday Funny

[sarawind]

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat
down next to a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde.

The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally,
after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not
being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

 

[Landlocked]

 

[Sheila]

OK here's one more.


Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a
smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a
condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues
smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely
(she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks
what
brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it
fits
on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.

 

[CJ]

Yes, but not as bad as hockey stick.

 

[GraytonBound]

INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...




​

How true

 

[OhioBeachBum]

INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

That ability is dependent on one's condition

 

[RiverOtter]

That ability is dependent on one's condition

Now that is funny :laughing1

 

[OhioBeachBum]

Now that is funny :laughing1

Naw - funny is in a 16' boat in the middle of a lake in the middle of nowhere, midstream, and the stiff breeze at the back does a 180 :laughing1

 

[ktmeadows]

A lady and three of her friends are in a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls
wanted to impress the rest, so she pulled out a $10 bill.

When the male dancer came over, the woman licked the $10 bill and
stuck it to his rear cheek!

Not to be outdone, her friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the
guy back, licked the $20 bill, and stuck it to his other rear cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest, a third woman pulls out a
$50 bill and calls the guy over. She licks the $50 bill and presses it to one of his rear cheeks again. The fourth friend, who had been holding her breath not knowing what her third friend was about to do, seemed relieved.

Relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy
gyrates over to the fourth woman!!!

Now everyone's attention is focused on her, and the guy is egging her on to
try to top the $50.

Her brain begins churning! as she reaches for her wallet..... What could she do????
The woman in her took over!

She took out her ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his rear and grabbed
the
eighty bucks!

 

[DBOldford]

A attractive blonde lady is standing in the middle of the aisle in the coach section of an airplane bound for Hawaii. When the airline attendent tells her that she must sit down and buckle up, she shouts, "No! I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm going to Hawaii!" Finally, her seatmate pulls her out of the aisle and into the seat, but still she refuses to fasten the seat belt. "I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm going to Hawaii!" She then races up into the first class cabin and begins with, "I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm going to Hawaii!" Airline attendent tries to get her back into coach, to sit down, buckle up and shut up...to no avail. She finally appeals to the captain of the plane. The captain comes back into first class and whispers into the lady's ear, whereupon she runs back to her seat in coach, sits down, and buckles up, doesn't say another word. The flight attendant says, "Captain, that was remarkable. What did you say to that woman?" Captain smiles and replies, "Why, I told her, 'Darlin', first class section isn't goin' to Hawaii.'"