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Friday Funny

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Sheila

Sheila

SoWal Insider
I was waiting for Kathy Dwells funny for Friday. Here is one to enjoy 'til she gives us one.

A little public bathroom humor:

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions


:laughing1
 
gotothebeachmom said:
I was waiting for Kathy Dwells funny for Friday.
Click to expand...

Hey mom, well I kept thinking I would get one that was funny enough to share, I haven't yet, but hopefully by the end of the day. At least you took up my slack...that was to funny. :laughing1
 
kathydwells said:
Hey mom, well I kept thinking I would get one that was funny enough to share, I haven't yet, but hopefully by the end of the day. At least you took up my slack...that was to funny. :laughing1
Click to expand...

Here's another.


A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.

Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized.
"Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world
coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!"

Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE....during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"

"No", she said with a horrified look on her face. "I'm your son's second grade teacher! :biggrin:
 
Ok, here is mine for the day. :biggrin:

Lawyer Croaks



pix_clear.gif
A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week." The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week." The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, "I want to speak to my lawyer." "Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?" The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"
 
TEXAS MIDGET

There was a midget from Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend suggested that he go to the doctor & see what he could do to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants & he would have a
look. The midget dropped his pants & the doctor put him up onto the examining table & proceeded to look for the trouble. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to cough, which he did. "Ah!" mumbled the
doc and putting his finger under the right one asked him to cough again, which he did. "Ahhh!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip,snip, snip on the right side & then snip, snip, snip on the left
side and he told the midget to pull up his pants and see if his testicles still ached. The midget was delighted as he walked around the doc's office and his testicles were not aching. "What did you do Doc?" he asked. The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots"
 




Why Women Are Crabby



We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.


Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.


Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.


Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.


Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"> <B>
<SPAN style="COLOR: #8000ff; mso-bidi-font-style: italic">Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.


After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.


Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?


When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.


So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.



Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...



So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.

​















​


 
kathydwells said:
Ok, here is mine for the day. :biggrin:

Lawyer Croaks



pix_clear.gif
A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week." The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week." The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, "I want to speak to my lawyer." "Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?" The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"
Click to expand...


:lolabove::lolabove::lolabove:
 
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